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Finally Friday!
03.19.04 (12:14 am)   [edit]
Hi all,

Issues at work have finally been resolved as I went to one of my bosses and my co-worker came to apologize for interjecting and such. I am so happy that now I don't have to walk on eggshells any longer and I don't have knots in my stomach coming into work any longer. :D

Things with Jim are still going great, I can't wait to see him much later today and snuggle with him tonight. :D I've been packing here and there this week to move in, but I'm far from being done. In all due time, in all due time is what I keep reminding myself.

Well, I am going back to sleep for awhile. It's only 3:09 a.m. and my alarm doesn't go off for another 5 hours. Hope you're all doing well. Take care.

God Bless,
Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
Yes, I'm still alive...
03.11.04 (5:15 am)   [edit]
Hi kids,

Since I last wrote, I have decided to postpone the wedding until my betrothed and I are more financially secure. That being said, I will still move in with him (hopefully soon) and we shall build a life together. :D

I also got a new car, as I soon learned after my last blog entry that I had a hole in my transmission. YUM! :evil: So, I decided on the third car I test drove, which is a 2002 Huyandai Accent in Electric Blue. :) Hopefully this car [b]will not [/b] give me any drama.

On the stress-o-meter, I'm about 5. I'm coping the best way I know how although sometimes I crack under the surface like last night. Here's what has been stressing me out.

:arrow: My mother and I have been fighting alot. I don't know if it's because she recently quit smoking and her bitchiness factor is rising, or if it's something between she and my step-dad, or if it's her job, or maybe, just maybe it is indeed me. In any event, I hope that we can stop this fighting and live in harmony once again.

:arrow: My co-worker confronted me a few days ago saying that "I pissed off alot of people" when she and I switched shifts and that "I better watch it or I'll get written up." I stressed to her that it was the first time we had ever switched shifts and her shift is alot more different than that of mine (her shift is hella hectic, whereas mine isn't so much). After meeting with my coordinator and telling her this, she coaxed me and said that she has [b]no[/b] intentions of writing me up, for I can't possibly know everything there is to know about that shift b/c I had never done it before. I felt alot better after talking to her. Another co-worker got upset with me b/c I made a mistake. I explained to her that it was not intentional I thought I was doing the right thing. All of this has since blown over.

If there's any song that has pervaded my mind these past few days it has got to be Linkin Park's "Numb." Almost every single line I feel pertains to me and my life right now (as far as work and Mum). I shall post the lyrics in this blog. That being said, I have to get going, I'd like to get more sleep before I go to work, but we'll see what happens. Have a great day all, and thanks for being my sounding board.

God bless,
Flutterby478 (Melissa)

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cuz everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you...
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...
And every second I braced is more than I can take!

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end the feeling too
But I know you were just like me when someone disappointed in you...

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me...
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me...
 
Rantings of a lass
03.03.04 (6:40 am)   [edit]
I don't know what it is lately but I've been so sensitive to everything. I am over my period for sure until the next time around but I just think alot of my sensitivity and such has to do with internal stress. To maintain my sanity and such I shall disclose my stressors hoping that it will be cathartic to me and make me happier.

:arrow: My car broke down on me the other day and as such I have no choice but to ask my mother and her boyfriend to bring me to and from work until I decide what my next move in that arena is (whether to get a used transmission installed or get a used car)

:arrow: My mother's boyfriend just got excellent news that he is now 100% cancer free. :D I am very happy for he and my mother. However, he has been here at my family's abode since Xmas and I am so sick and tired of his lame ass jokes and attempt at humor. He interrupts all the friggin' time and I am about to scream! :x Moving out day cannot come soon enough.

:arrow: After spending all of last week with Jim at my new house I miss him terribly. We still talk quite a bit and he is helping me with the car sitch, but I miss him so much and I think he feels the same. I think we're both very excited about living together soon. I can't help but have tears well up in my eyes now b/c I miss him so much. I just have to keep reminding myself that soon we will live together in tranquility, love, etc.

:arrow: I have been a major slacker as of late, I keep intending on doing laundry but have been so tired lately and it needs to be done. I am going to start it tonight after I get out of work for sure. I'd also like to start packing but my energy level (see tiredness above) and stress has prevented me from doing so. Also the lack of a car has stripped me of motivation to do so.

:arrow: I am anxious to have my mom (and her boyfriend) sit down with Jim's folks to discuss wedding expenses. I really want to start planning and such since we have a little over a year until we are legally and wonderfully married. I'm also anxious to look at dresses for my girls and I.

Well, I guess the only thing to do is to take one thing at a time and try not to overwork myself. This sounds easier than it might actually be. In any event, I got excellent news yesterday. My coordinator at work is very satisfied with my work and has no issues with me. She also mentioned that my unit is very lucky to have me b/c I "have a way" with the patients and other nurses. :D

On that note, tis time to go get my shower power and head to work for the day. Hope you all are doing well, and I thank you for taking the time to read my rantage.

God Bless,
Flutterby478 (Melissa)

 
Sunday bloggin'
02.29.04 (4:25 am)   [edit]
Well, I'm back here in the city after a week in the country in the home that I'll be soon moving to live with my fiance. Went to lunch with some galpals yesterday and had a great time! :) Then, I went to my aunt's housewarming party sans fiance since he was feeling ill. Was driving back to my new home and my car decided to break down on me. :x Once again Jim and AAA came to my rescue. :D I'm so grateful and lucky that I broke down where I did (in the bike-riding path) and that both Jim and AAA were able to assist me. Hoping to get this car fixed once and for all. If I could offer anyone advice it is the following:

:!: DO NOT BUY A PLYMOUTH NEON :!:

I don't care how cool they look kids, they are nothing but pieces of almighty shit. When I first got this oh-so-not reliable car a few years ago my head gasket blew (count them kids) THREE times. :oops:

Well, I'm going to try to get a bit more sleep and possibly unpack and pack. Then it's off to a wedding expo with one of my bridesmaids, my cousin Dez. Have a great day all!

Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
It's almost Friday, yay!
02.26.04 (6:48 pm)   [edit]
Oy,

What a looooooooooong frickin' week. I can't seem to get out of work on time no matter how hard I try. I have been assigned the 9-5 shift the past few days to cover for my co-worker but with all of the responsibilities I can't seem to break free early. :o I guess I shouldn't complain, for I was without a job for so long and now more than ever I need this job so that I can start sacking away money for my wedding next year. Well, I'm gonna go check my mail and get some sleepage. Can't wait to snuggle with my honey bunny when he gets home in a few hours.

Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
happy sunday one and all!
02.22.04 (1:25 pm)   [edit]
Hi all,

Sorry I haven't blogged that much, but I've been wrapped up in post-engagement bliss and have sort of started to look into dresses for my bridesmaids, maid of honor, and myself. :) I am also going to be moving in with Jim in the coming month. Also, my beagle will be moving in as well. I hope that he likes it out here in his new home. I'll be staying with Jim for the week and ideally I'd like to move in bit by bit instead of one full sweep. We shall see for sure. Everyone is so happy and excited for us and my grammy has already sent us gifts. I keep telling her if she keeps doing that she won't have any money for herself or for gifts for our wedding. :lol: Well, I'm going to go for now. Hope you all are doing great and I'll be bloggin' again soon.

Flutterby478(Melissa)
 
He asked....
02.15.04 (5:50 pm)   [edit]
Hi all,

I had the most romantic Valentine's Day ever. :D My honey cooked dinner for me and asked me to marry him. I said yes! :D It was so romantic how he approached it. Here's the rundown of events.

5:00 p.m. Jim asks me to go to the store b/c he "forgot" some items
5:15-6:00 p.m. Grocery Shopping and movie renting
6:15 p.m. Get home, unwrap the groceries
6:20 p.m. I suggest we open our V-day gifts
6:30 p.m. He gives me an absolutely beautiful V-day card and asks me to follow him with my hands in his and my eyes shut
6:35 p.m. He tells me to open my eyes, we are now in the master bathroom
6:36 p.m.-6:38 p.m. I gaze at the tub which is surrounded by heart shaped candles, a big red teddybear, and heart shaped lollis
6:39 p.m. Something tells me to look at the mirror
6:40 p.m. I look at the mirror and try to catch my breath, it reads in red fabric washable marker WILL YOU BE MY WIFE? with a heart
6:42 p.m. I say YES! and we hug and kiss each other
6:43 p.m The phone calls begin....

I can't believe that I am engaged and I can't believe that he thought I was the one a month into our relationship. He said he wanted to ask me in December but I kept telling his family it was too soon. :oops:

We are hoping to tie the knot within the year (or so). We have so much to talk about and decide together. Well, I'm gonna go talk to a friend for awhile and then pass out. Hasta!

Flutterby478 (Melissa)
 
Must...get...sleep....
02.12.04 (9:52 pm)   [edit]
Every once and awhile I can't sleep. Don't know why, just my mind is churnin' churnin' and I can't shut it off. Can't wait to see my honey tomorrow night and spend the V-day weekend with him. :D I yawn but I can't sleep. Grrrr.... I hate it when I get like this. Well, I guess I'll turn on some music and try to pass out. Hasta la winnebago kids!

Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
So glad it's Friday...
02.06.04 (7:00 pm)   [edit]
It's finally Friday! YAY! I worked overtime tonight and am just a smidge tired. :shock: I also feel a bit weird 'cos I'm usually at my boyfriend's house right about now, but seeing as though the weather is not being cooperative at all, I will see him tomorrow night. :D I'm hoping to get some laundry done in the morrow and get together with some friends. Hope the roads aren't as crappy as they were earlier today. Well, I guess that's about it. Today was payday too....wooohooooooo! Take care all.

Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
Random poetry for my heart's sake
02.01.04 (6:19 pm)   [edit]
When you left early this morn
my heart once again felt so saddened, so torn
I love the time we share together, but goes too fast
but I have no doubt that we're definitely going to make it last
I wish that I could always be with you, by your side
and one day I'd love to be your blushing bride
I cherish the moments we share
from the times we make love to the times you gently caress my hair
to the times we laugh and joke and kiss so sweet
they keep me looking forward to seeing you at the close of every week
my baby, your love, it's so tender and right
I wish you were laying next to me each and every night
my sweetness, thoughts of you pervade my mind and make me grin
you make me feel so good I don't know where to begin
I miss you so much tonight and wish I could just rewind the time
that we spent your body close to mine, the words we exchanged
the way that you gently hold my frame
when we drift off to sleep
all of these things and weekend memories make me weep
because I love you so
and I need you so
very much
and I can't wait in the days to come to see you once again.
 
Mid-week bloggin'
01.28.04 (7:44 pm)   [edit]
Hi kids,

Been working and all that fun stuff. Last night my sweetie spent the night at my house because the roads were horrific. :shock: Then again, that's what you get when you live in upstate NY. It was so wonderful to be in his arms as we drifted off to sleepyland together. :) I wish that we could do that every night. We talked quite a bit before going to sleep and one of the topics was baby names. I'm not pregnant (thank God, but someday I'd like to be) but it was facinating tossing names around. It makes me feel great to know that he thinks that we will be together for a very long time and that it's just not a fling. Not that I thought otherwise, but I didn't know for sure if he wanted to start a future with me because he has never said it in words to me. So anyway, if we have a boy someday more than likely the name will be Caleb James. I have liked that name for a looooooooooong time and he likes it too. If it's a girl, I like Arianna or Adeline but he doesn't. Go figure. :lol: Well, I guess I should get some snoozage so I can have another successful day at work in the morrow. Can't wait to see[b] HIM[/b] again Friday night after I get out of work. Take care one and all. Comments and questions are always welcome, so don't be shy, ok?

God Bless,
Flutterby478 (Melissa)
 
Is it Friday yet?
01.21.04 (7:30 pm)   [edit]
Hi there t-blogger,

So fargin' tired tonight. I'm also a smidge PMSy and moody. One minute I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement and the next I'm tired and blah. Can't wait to see my lad Friday night, which seems an eternity away. I feel the need to write poetry but only have a few lines to spare. I need to go back to writing again, it keeps me sane and in check with everything that surrounds me; family, work, boyfriend, friends, etc. Well, I guess I'm going to go play a game and head to bed. Take care. :)
 
Monday-itis
01.19.04 (6:26 am)   [edit]
Hi all,

Had a very scary experience on Friday night on my way out to see my boyf. I was driving too fast and slid into a 360 degree angle of snow. The ironic part is that it was only 5 minutes away from his house. My mother got a hold of me as she was worried why it was taking me so long to get there and called him to my rescue. His assistance, a random stranger's assistance, a trooper, a call to AAA and a tow truck company later (65 minutes later) all was back to what's labeled as normal. Here it is Monday again and I have to go back to work. Hope that I didn't make any errors on Friday as I'm still learning the ropes of my job and hope that this week goes by quickly so I can be back in the arms of the man I love. Have a great day all!

Melissa

PS: I updated the links on my blog...they are awesome, check them out!
 
Crikey!
01.15.04 (7:01 pm)   [edit]
Brrrr...it's farkin' cold here in the northeast. :o This shouldn't surprise me much considering I've lived here all of my almost 26 years of existence. Today was a good yet crazy day at work. Tomorrow we have a whopping 91 patients that are due to come in for various testing/surgery. Hope that I get out on time and don't have to stay late as I am going to my boyfriend's house for the weekend. :D Can't wait to see him and to wrap my arms around him. Anyhoo, I'm gonna get going for now as I should get some sleep soon. Hasta la winnebago kids!

Song: "Born to Be Alive"
Mood: Tired yet happy
 
My weekend
01.11.04 (12:34 pm)   [edit]
Hi all,

Hope you all are doing great. I had a really good weekend. My lad and I went to a friend's house yesterday for dinner and played a few hours of hysterical Scattergories. Here are just a few mentionables.

The topic was Toys and the letter was c...my lad Jim puts condoms. LMAO! :lol: THe topic was sticky things and the letter was r, he puts right hand. :lol: Oh, how one really lets loose after being with someone. :wink: Other than that we just hung out the two of us and went to his family's diner for brunch. Once again, he woke up with a hangover. It's a good thing he doesn't drink all the time, I hate hangovers and try to avoid them at all possible costs. Well, I'm gonna go play a game and read a magazine for awhile. Tis Sunday and I need to rest before I start another week at work. Have a great day all!

Flutterby478 (Melissa)
 
Oy!
01.06.04 (7:18 pm)   [edit]
What a busy day at work. :roll: I'm so tired, as I didn't come home for two hours past my designated ending of my shift. :shock: I just took out my contacts so now my eyes can breathe freely. YAY! Hoping to hear from my honey before I pass out for the night. Well, that's all for now I guess. So happy tomorrow's hump day! Yayayayaya! Night all.

Flutterby478 (Melissa)
 
2003, a look back
01.03.04 (8:10 am)   [edit]
Ah, 2003 what a year it was for me. Went to the ER following New Year's Eve festivities b/c a friend got hit in the boob with a firework. Fell for a guy who was really sketchy and despite our isolated make out session wound up to be a 30-something virgin and took a friend out to dinner.

Mid spring rolls around and I go out to Boston to see a friend and get proofed to buy liquor. When I showed the oh-so-friendly convenient mart staff my license, I was informed that I needed to show a passport. A PASSPORT???? I left the state, not the fargin' country. Finally the jomoke behind the counter gave in and sold me the goods.

Went to Big Day Out (a rock concert) which ended in the demise of a close friendship due to a stupid fight which the other half felt it necessary to make it more dramatic by having one of her precious friends harrass me on AIM. Not to mention an extremely hurtful and hateful e-mail sent in my direction. This resulted in me having to pick another screenname so that neither of the trolls would harass me online.

In the meantime, I've lost my job and am going through a funk. Prior to my friend and mine's demise I go to Florida for two weeks to spend some time with some family and get a dose of a real vacation that I hadn't had in quite awhile. If I'd known what would have transpired after my return with the trolls I would've stayed put. :roll:
In the meantime, I go camping and my mother recieves alarming news. Her boyfriend of over a year is diagnosed with throat cancer. :cry:

Months roll by and after several interviews and no call-backs I become greatly disgruntled and severely disenchanted. Then, in the process of all this I become involved in an e-mail frenzy and go on one date with this guy I briefly dated in college. He is not so responsive, so I look on Yahoo Personals for shits and giggles. Talk to a few lads, and the phone calls become more frequent with one of them. I agree to meet him for dinner and a movie and almost three months later, we're still together. We meet each other's family, etc. and soon, we start talking on the phone each and every night and spend every weekend together at his abode. He sends me an exquisite dozen rose floral arrangement, I get a job (FINALLY), he gets his real estate license, and the next thing you know, it's Thanksgiving.

He buys our Xmas tree for his place, we assemble it, etc. and the next thing you know he gives me a key to his house just in case he's not there when I come up and I can let myself in. We go to a few holiday functions together, we exchange gifts for holiday and now it's 2004. We ring in the new year together by drinking White Zin, kissing, and spending the next few days together. Ahh... things have really become fruitful and joyous for me since I met my lad in October. Although, I wish that mom's boyfriend didn't have to go through the hardships of cancer.

Thank you for reading this t-blogger. May 2004 be a wonderful year for you and yours.

Goddess Bless,
Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
Post Holiday Blogging....
12.27.03 (8:20 pm)   [edit]
Hi tbloggers!

Hope you all had a very nice Xmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa! :) Santa was great to me as usual and today my family had a post holiday get together. It was nice to see family that I usually don't see since they are a distance away from me. My boyfriend came down as well to join us and I'm so glad that he did. I'm a smidge worried about my cousin though, she recently had a meltdown and I am hoping with the right medication and therapy that she will be on the path to well-ville. As a young woman who has a history of depression and anxiety (as well as that of having a family with such issues) I am sensitive to these issues and hope that all pans out well for her. Well, I guess that's all for now. I'm exhausted and must get some sleep. I hope to hit some post-holiday sales tomorrow with one of my gift cards.

Mood: Tired, yet happy
Song: "Here Without You"-- Seven Doors Down
 
Where oh where did the weekend go?
12.21.03 (3:56 pm)   [edit]
Back home after a nice weekend spent at my lad's abode. :) I can't believe that tomorrow is Monday already. Hopefully I won't have to work the whole day on Wednesday (Xmas Eve). My aunt and uncle are in from Florida and it is quite awesome to see them both. Looking forward to spending time with them and the rest of the family in days to come. I feel the need to do a freelance poem so here we go...

Under a blanket of stars
I lie, with you in your bed
in complete silence, aside from the occasional car
passing by and it's Sunday morning I absolutely dread
knowing that I have to go back home and leave your arms
and leave your sweet kisses behind
and when the sound of the alarm
goes off I want to stay reclined
in your warm bed with your warm body and your soul
and never leave your side
and somehow each time I manage to go out to the cold
and climb into my car for that 45 minute ride
back to my home, looking forward to the next time we're together
to talk, to laugh, to snuggle, to make sweet love
I've waited for what seems like forever
for a guy like you to come into my life and I just can't get enough
of you, your smile, your gentleness, the way you romance me, spin me, round and round
each time you do, it takes me awhile to get my feet back on solid ground
'cos you have me on a high for days
how do I love thee, let me count the ways.
 
So sleepy...
12.18.03 (8:07 pm)   [edit]
Tis been a good week at my new job. Catching on rather quickly to some things yet some things I'm getting stuck on. I can't believe that Christmas is only a week away. Soon, my family and I will get together for the holiday and I will get together with my lad's family. Looking forward to seeing my lad tomorrow to spend the weekend at his abode. I need some snugglin'.... :lol: Well, that's it for now.

Goddess Bless,
Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
Twas the night before...
12.14.03 (5:06 pm)   [edit]
Twas the night before my first day at work and I'm a smidge nervous. :? I hope that all goes well with this job and that I'm happy there. It's been seven looooooong months since I've been in the working world and I feel a bit inept. I shouldn't because I do have working experience as well as a college degree. Oh well.

It's hard to believe that Christmas is here. I wish you dearest reader, your family and friends a super holiday (whether it's Christmas, Hannukkah, etc.) and a prosperous new year. I think I will start wrapping some gifts tonight...nah I'm too tired. :lol: Such a complex young woman, aren't I?

Had a great weekend with my lad. :D We spent some time with his family and went to church, which is something I usually don't partake in. I was born and raised Roman Catholic but as the years have rolled by so many ideas have popped into my head. I consider myself to be spiritual more than anything. I believe in a higher being, Jesus, etc. but struggle with that sometimes when I see what goes on in this world. Well, I must go for now, but I'll be blogging soon again.

Mood: Tired
Song: The sound of snow plows removing much snow from my street
 
Chillin'
12.13.03 (1:06 pm)   [edit]
Chillin' at the boyfriend's house, waiting for him to come home from work. Going to his parents, church, and then dinner with his parents and some of their clients. He was really happy for me when I told him last night that I FINALLY got a job. I brought up some wine to celebrate our good week (He is now licensed to practice real estate, I got a job) but it hasn't been cracked open yet. Maybe later it will. :wink: Well, that's all for now kiddos. Happy Saturday to all!

Mood: Happy
Sound: The sound of cars passing on the street
 
There is a God after all...
12.11.03 (9:40 am)   [edit]
Funny how things happen. I phoned one of the places I interviewed with recently and found out that I was not chosen for the job. However, after coming home today from a different interview, I found out that the person who was selected for the job has declined the position, meaning that I got the job. Can I get an amen? :lol: I am so happy that this prayer has come true. I can't wait to tell my mom, friends and boyfriend.

Mood: Happy & a smidge shocked
Sound: THe sound of rain sweeping against the city streets
 
Smidge aggravated...
12.09.03 (7:43 pm)   [edit]
Feeling a smidge aggravated tonight. Got a pile of reject letters from places I applied for jobs with today and I wish that I had a job. Was hoping once again to hear from a place I interviewed with last week, but didn not. I am starting to think that I didn't get either position and I was really hoping to get it. Tomorrow's another day, maybe they'll call me or maybe God has other plans for me as far as a job is concerned. I am so tired of stressing over not finding a job. It's been seven very long months since I've been in the working world and as much as I try to stay focused and positive, I find myself getting aggravated like this at times. Grrrrrrrrr.... :x Can't wait to see my lad later this week. Spending time with him always makes me feel better. I also love my family and friends, but you know what I mean. Well, gonna go surf the net and pass out for the night. Hasta!
 
Woke up in a winter wonderland
12.06.03 (10:13 am)   [edit]
Woke up this morn in my boyfriend's bed (I drove up last night to beat the storm today) and it was snowing like crazy...in fact, it STILL is. He had to work today and will be back in a bit. We are making chili and cornbread for dinner. Nothing like a nice warm meal on a freezing cold day. I attempted to shovel, but the snow has drifted and has snowed some more. Well, I guess I'll go see if there's anything good on TV.

Goddess Bless,
Melissa (Flutterby478)
 
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